Everything, amplified
My ear is blocked and I'm overthinking again
I laughed at the wrong time,
Again.
I hadn’t heard what he said.
He smiles at me,
Awkwardly.
It doesn’t reach his eyes.
We’re engaged in conversation but I’m lost in my own head,
Selfish, absorbed, obsessed.
Every sound muffled,
Every word loud in my ear.
I can’t focus.
On the coffee,
The conversation,
The music playing.
And yet that’s all I can hear;
Muffled noise,
The grind of the coffee machine,
Tones of the electricity softly blaring,
And my own voice,
Obnoxiously amplified.
Did that sound normal?
Was that a weird thing to say?
What did he just say?
He’s having a miserable time.
I’m not being present enough.
I shouldn’t have come out today.
My mind a haze,
The combined sound a constant drone,
Drowning out all life in this cafe
As the sound of my own breathing deafens me.
Why can’t I escape from my own mind?
Peaking with a sickening pop,
I yawn and am at once overwhelmed,
With the rush of sound
All hitting my nervous system at once.
A residual ache in my ear canal,
I grimace and resume,
I mask it with a grin.
The sensation different, yet still unpleasant,
I wonder, should I have done anything at all?
I had a horrible cold that my poor immune system took forever to kick. This post was inspired by my desperately trying to pop my ear while out because everything was LOUD and BAD and immediately regretting it when I was finally able to because everything was LOUD and BAD in a different way.
It possibly didn’t help that I had recieved some noise cancelling headphones from Sunbeam for Christmas, and have been enjoying not hearing the constant hum of electricity (and am thus dealing with the consequences of additional sound when I take them off which has been more disorienting and overwhelming than expected).
Tried to blur the lines with this one a bit to also describe my experience with social interactions - sometimes I feel like I walked in halfway through a conversation and need a minute to draw up some notes. In doing this, I sometimes end up introspective and quiet, miss what’s being said even more, and get in my own head in the process. I’ve grown to learn how to manage this in my own way, but found this an interesting exercise in poetic comparison.
I’d love to know what you think!
See you next Saturday!
Love, Laura <3
This was so beautiful Laura. I don't know if this was what you intended, but while reading it I was transported to how insecure and small I felt when I was in a relationship with a toxic ex. Writing is so beautiful and dynamic. And your words, so deeply genuine and honest. Thankyou for sharing!🫶🏽🫶🏽
There's still time to do a 2nd Masters in Creative Writing: Poetry 👀